Been Called Out

A conversation that spanned across 20 hours told me a tale.

I've never made an effort to ask her about herself. The long phone calls and the many texts were just about me. The things told and untold, the Facebook posts to the Instagram videos to the friends and remarks, she read through them all. I was amazed to see her portrayal of me. It was the way I saw myself, and not many else understood.

While she put her inquisitive mind to know me, how did I forget to reciprocate?

Let's start with the self-portrayal. I've been full of myself for most of my life. I believed that my experiences are different and set me apart from traditional labels. So, the quest had been to go out and find more exciting life stories. The varied and the more vibrant the experience, the more I felt drawn to it. Probing was my role. I asked questions, I listened, and I discarded. Well, too high a mark I set.

But, this girl was different. She led the intense questioning. The process was thorough and structured. Rapid fires to in-depth discussions, she dispelled arguments and sought more clarifications. Cut through the thoughts like a hot knife through butter. She is brilliant at what she does.

Throughout the whole process, I did not reciprocate. I was high handed. I, who prided in asking after people, just failed to do that essential thing. And so let run free the assumptions and an undemocratic individual. Unasked advice with no apparent context is what followed. It goes only downhill after that.

Was I callous or carried away?

I probably could shield myself citing I was busy at work and hence did not put in as much effort. Or say, to start with, I might have been distracted. Or, I felt, for once, lovely basking in the sun, being the centre of attention. It was the first time someone took an interest in cutting through my bullshit and looking deep under it. Yet, all these excuses point to my self-centeredness.

Conversations are supposed to be inclusive, and I failed at it. The failure isn't just about being carried away or being callous. I hypothesized and made decisions. We live in our bubbles all too often and think that individual choices are our own with limited impact on others. I found it easy to quote several reasons to back my decisions and was oblivious to the fact that I disabled other voices. Monarchic decisions through censored conversations and false assumptions result in broken relationships and fake democracy. That was what happened.

Apathy, Hypocrisy, and Individualism - I have them all in me!

#recognizingbiases #conversations